Why we get triggered and what we can do about it…

7th February 2021

How often do you find yourself in spirals of negative thinking or behaviour because of something that happened to you in the past? Do you find yourself feeling triggered into old emotions when faced with a new obstacle or challenge? Do you have similar issues coming up for you again and again? Perhaps you tell yourself the story that you are unlucky or seem to attract certain events or people into your life? Let me talk you through these triggers and beliefs, how they were created, how they impact and what you can do.

Our trigger points are linked to the stories and beliefs we hold about who we are and what we have been through and what we think we will always go through. For me, I have a trigger point around rejection, it’s a big one and if at any point I perceive that I have been rejected or if I think I am going to be rejected then I find myself descending into a panic. I experience a very strong physical reaction, I feel hot, stomach churning, rapid breathing and then the negative self-talk starts – “of course this ALWAYS happens, this will continue to happen to you, you are clearly not good enough,” blah blah blah and so the voice goes on until I am in a pit of despair with a very visible dark cloud over my head. Most recently for me this lasted for about 3 days and took some deep work with my coach to see a way through it. The frustrating part of it is that consciously I know that my perception and reality are not in sync with each other, but I have no control over how I am feeling and what my subconscious brain is telling me!

One of the issues is that about 95% of the time, our subconscious brain is in charge of what we are thinking, so even though the conscious part of me can try and soothe my out of control monkey mind with rational thoughts, it doesn’t make a damned difference! Why? Well that’s because the subconscious brain is playing the tapes/CD/MP3 (depending on your age!) that it recorded during childhood. Let me just say that again, for 95% of the time we are on autopilot, worrying over the past or future and spending very little time in the here and now and that is just how we are made! So, if we want to feel happier in our skin, we need to work on the subconscious.

Let me explain this in more detail about how the negative beliefs take hold: between birth and two years old, our brains are in a delta state which means that the brain is functioning at its lowest wave cycle. For example, as adults we sleep in delta so, there is no critical thinking or ability to judge. Between the ages of 2-6 years old our brains are in a theta state, this means as children we are connected to our internal world and this is when our imaginations start to grow. We can daydream and create lovely ideas and fairy tales in our minds. During this time, we accept what we hear and see as true and we are constantly learning and absorbing like sponges. We are building our belief systems and still not able to rationalise or critique anything we are shown. Can you see how your thinking is shaped by your childhood? Theta state is also present when we are in hypnosis, we are totally open to suggestion!

So, from birth to around 6 years old we are recording the tapes of our subconscious mind that will operate on our behalf without any control. So, let’s make this more real, let’s say when you were around 5, you were told by a teacher that you were not very good at maths. As a 5-year-old you will take on board that information as being true and that is what you accept about yourself. As you begin to grow Maths lessons are more than likely to become a problem, as you believe that you are not very good at it. We then find that when we are in similar situations again and again, we reinforce that belief and ultimately carry that with us for life. The belief might be ‘I am not good at Maths,’ or ‘I can’t work with numbers.’ So, any time we are faced with numbers we will re-experience all the feelings that we originally felt at 5 years old. It happens so quickly that we don’t see it coming, we get ambushed and hijacked by the sub-conscious and the negative self-talk and subsequent behaviours (panic, stress, overwhelm, shame etc. etc.) start all over again. Boom, trigger! Public speaking is another one – maybe you had a traumatic experience as a child when speaking in front of others, play the tape forward, you have a gut-wrenching fear of public speaking or being in front of strangers.

These core beliefs are all likely to have formed before the age of 6 but we reinforce them through the subsequent events and traumas that we experience as we grow. For example, abandonment is a very prominent fear, it links up with rejection too. There are a whole host of ways this may have shown up in our lives but as an example: if we lost someone close to us when we were young either through bereavement or separation, we may have the belief that people will leave us or reject us. We may find that we have relationships that result in the person leaving or rejecting us in some way or we avoid relationships all together through fear of abandonment. The impact of carrying this belief with us throughout our lives is enormous and affects our relationships and emotional well-being. Ultimately it leads to fear which prevents us from living our lives as we may truly want to. There are so many ways that we come to hold these beliefs but often what is at the core of them is a story around not being good enough or not being loveable…

Ok, so now you are all racking your brains and trying to think about all your negative beliefs and what may have happened to you, so first, take a deep breath! And now, take another one!
There may be instances where big traumas have created these beliefs and you may know exactly what they are. You might have buried them deep somewhere never to be looked at again. I understand that it can be painful digging up old hurt but, by not looking at it you are living with that pain in your subconscious every day anyway, it is more than likely holding you back in some way. Through coaching you can begin to unravel how it has been impacting on your life and work towards releasing it. Also, these beliefs may result from little traumas, events that maybe you don’t particularly recall but with some careful work you can get to the route of and overturn them. You may have had some talking therapy of some kind before and feel like you have dealt with those issues and that is great, but are you still coming up against the same types of hurdles again and again? Chances are that you haven’t got to the route of it yet.

I can help you figure out where your blocks are really coming from and then we safely work through them and ultimately create new, positive life affirming beliefs that can create the freedom to live the life that you choose, not the life that is a result of your negative pre-programming. I see this unfolding all the time in the clients I work with, clients who are motivated and committed to feeling happier in their own skin. You don’t have to know exactly what is in your way, that is what I will help you with, but if you know there is version of you that you would like to be again, then maybe it’s time.