Breaking Free From Smallness: A call to women to take up space!

30th November 2024

Picture this: I’m at the gym, looking around and figuring out what machines I might use for my session, I notice a man confidently occupying three machines at once, unfazed  as he bounces between them for his circuit workout. He is grunting and sweating and doing his thing and takes up as much space as he wants.

Now there may be some gym etiquette that is lacking here, I’m not too sure to be honest, I’m open to discussion on this… But, it kind of annoyed me that he was using both squat racks and a bench to store his phone. I tried my best to not get wound up by what I perceived as selfish, finished my workout and headed to the changing room. As I walked in, a lady in there immediately turned to me and apologised that her belongings were ‘so spread out’ and she didn’t want to be in my way. She seemed worried that she might be “taking up too much space.” Interestingly, she was hardly taking up any space at all and I didn’t notice this supposed spread of her stuff.

These two moments have really stayed with me because what I immediately noticed was a small yet glaring contrast that often plays out in society. Men unapologetically taking up space and women feeling they need to shrink themselves down and not be ‘in the way.’

It actually made me smile at how quickly I was presented with these two opposing moments and it felt like a gift to not only help me reflect on how I feel about taking up space but also, it reminded me how frequently this goes on.

Women, conditioned by years of cultural messaging, often struggle with the idea of taking up space—whether physical, emotional, or conversational and to see it playing out in the gym was a stark reminder of how this is everywhere. It made me think about my own fears of taking up space – that might be physical but often it’s in conversation or emotionally. I don’t want to be a burden or a bother to anyone. I know that I have often apologised for standing in a space that I had every right to be in but felt like I was in someone’s way. In conversation, I have at times ensured that I make sure I keep my contribution small, so others have a chance to contribute or offer what I suspect is more valuable. I will keep my feelings to myself or play down how I am really feeling and prioritise everyone around me first. The question that comes up for me is why is that I don’t allow myself to take up as much space as I think others should? The impact of this way of being? Ever shrinking confidence and a sense of ‘smallness’ that shows up in every area of my life.

So why is this? Well, let’s stick with the gym example. For many women, stepping into the weightlifting section for example, can feel intimidating, not because they’re incapable but because the environment sends subtle signals that they’re out of place.

Men move freely, claim equipment, and adjust the space to fit their routines. Women, on the other hand, might wait their turn even when the equipment isn’t in use, hesitant to assert themselves. Squeezing themselves into small spaces to make sure they aren’t annoying anyone. I found myself doing it when looking for some floor space in the free weights section. I squeezed my mat into a small spot to make sure that others could still use it. Oh, and by the way, the gym wasn’t packed!

The changing room scenario is another telling example. Women are often taught to prioritize neatness and consideration, sometimes to their own detriment. The result? Anxiety about leaving their gym bag in the “wrong” spot or hanging a towel where it might inconvenience someone else.

This struggle isn’t just about gym etiquette—it’s about the broader internalised belief that women should minimise themselves to accommodate others. Breaking free from this mindset means challenging the norms that tell women to apologise for existing boldly.

Consciously I don’t think anyone would have been particularly bothered if I had taken up more space on the gym floor, said more in conversations or shared my feelings more with those I trust but yet the voice in my head tells me to be smaller. There is a lot of sub-conscious programming that takes over in these situations.

So what can we do? Here are my thoughts on this… in order to make real change in our lives,  we have to challenge our own inner beliefs and take action. Here are some steps to follow to help you take up more space of any kind:

Ways to take up space:

1. Catch yourself when those limiting beliefs creep in – when you hesitate to assert yourself or you feel like you need to shrink down – ask yourself – “where is this feeling coming from and is it true?” It’s important to work on the programming and conditioning that we have subjected to as this is where the long-term change comes from.

2. Can you replace that thought or belief with something empowering and affirming. Even saying to yourself “I can take up space” can help override the instincts to be small.

3. Learn to stand tall! Do you notice that you physically shrink down in certain rooms or environments? Notice it and take a deep breath and stand tall, notice your posture. If seated, notice your feet on the ground and take a deep breath in and sit up, roll your shoulders back. We can begin to claim a physical space when we do this.

4. Speak up – how could you make your voice heard more? Where is a safe space to start first to practice? Try this out with a trusted friend and let the know you are learning to assert yourself more.

5. Take ownership of your needs. Taking up space does not equate to not needing help or being hyper-independent. Advocating for your own needs such as issues at work, preferences in relationships or taking time out for yourself is a good way to begin to set boundaries and feel more confident.

6. Stop saying sorry! How often are you apologising un-necessarily? So many of us apologise before asking clarifying questions and worry that we are being annoying. There is nothing wrong in asking for clarification.

7. Support each other – encourage your friends and colleagues to take up space, ask about what they think and really listen. Celebrate achievements, call out un-necessary interruptions.

8. Re-define the norms – how many women have been labelled as a ‘b**ch for speaking up and being confident? How about we celebrate this and not tear someone down? Support other women! Avoid using language or making jokes about women being weaker, this only re-enforces the issue.

9. Claim the joyful moments – notice where you are having fun or feel joyful and pay attention to who you are with, what you are doing and how it feels.

10. Celebrate the small wins – it doesn’t have to be about making bold moves – it could be that you claim the last slice of something or allowing yourself to stand a little bit taller or ask a question that you might not have asked before – it all adds up and makes deposits in the confidence bank.

So the next time you have the opportunity, consider this: it’s okay to claim your space, whether it’s a bench, a squat rack, or a seat at a table. Taking up space isn’t selfish—it’s a declaration of your right to exist fully and confidently in the world.

Let’s celebrate occupying space, unapologetically. Because the gym, and every other place, is yours too.

If you’re ready to embrace your power and take up more space in every aspect of your life, I’m here to help. Through one-on-one coaching, we’ll work together to identify the limiting beliefs holding you back, develop strategies to build confidence, and create a plan for asserting yourself with authenticity and ease. Whether it’s navigating professional challenges, stepping into leadership roles, or simply feeling more at home in your own skin, I can guide you toward a stronger, more confident you. Let’s claim your space—because the world is waiting for you to show up fully.

Contact me via email: hey@sarahdodsley.com