Do you have ‘shiny new thing’ syndrome?

16th August 2020

Do you have ‘shiny new thing’ syndrome? This question came up in a group coaching call I was part of this week and it really got me thinking. Do you constantly google ‘how to’ when looking for ways to feel better? How to feel happy? How to drop a dress size in 10 days? How to stop feeling anxious/depressed etc. Do you flit from one thing to the next, never really finishing what you started, giving up on the latest diet and exercise regime? You start with the best of intentions, convincing yourself that this time it is really going to make a difference. This latest thing is going to be the one that fixes you and finally you will look and feel like you think you are meant to. Like those perfect people who supposedly exist on our social media feeds. Those men and women who have the great clothes, bodies, cars, houses, the perfect life that we think we are missing out on. Those people that must feel happy and content ALL the time?!

But you and I know deep down that it is b*lls**t, yet we still aspire to those impossible goals. We constantly look for external fixes to internal issues. Why? We are scared of going deep, scared of what we are going to discover about ourselves and uncover the dark side of our souls. But let me be honest with you here, do you think that by not doing that work and avoiding those dark issues, that you can stuff it down and it will go away? You will just keep running into yourself, time and time again.

How does that manifest? It could be the diets that keep failing, the relationships that keep breaking down. Unhappy in your job? Friendship/family fall outs that keep happening? Feeling like you don’t fit it in? Coming up against the same limitations in life? The anxiety and depression that reoccurs over and over. The heart-breaking truth is (and this is said with the deepest level of respect and love) that by not taking responsibility and accountability in your own life and owning this stuff you will keep coming up against it. Ouch, I know, it hurts but I’m afraid it’s true. Now my approach to coaching is not tough love by any stretch but time and time again people do not take responsibility for their own lives. They are living on the outside, looking in and expecting to be fixed, waiting for the next shiny new thing to do the work.

I know this is true because that was me not that long ago. I am an avid reader and I absolutely love a bit of self-help literature. In the past I have absorbed the tips and tricks like a sponge and then expected my outcomes to radically change and for me to start living my dream life. Guess what, it didn’t work and it never will. The only way I have changed my life is by doing the damn work, uncovering the shame and shedding light on it. Sitting with my dark feelings and giving them space to be heard, crying, laughing and reflecting. This is not a process that has an end point either. It is about consistency. I have to show up for myself every.single.day. Sometimes it’s great and it works and sometimes it’s a huge challenge, but I have tools now that I can use when the darkness starts to creep over me again. It also becomes easier as time goes on because of the consistency in my approach to my own life and it is 100% worth the effort.

I used to strive for perfection and constantly put things off or self-sabotaged to prove my subconscious right – “see, told you that you weren’t good enough for that!” The tape that played in my head was “Mañana, mañana!” “I’ll start writing my blog when I have got through this next couple of weeks.” “When things become quieter?” “When I have more time!” I am smiling as I type this as it’s total crap! I put off setting up a website and Facebook page for such a long time because I didn’t have the technical skills to make it ‘perfect.’ I was making excuses and hiding away, not feeling good enough, not worthy. When I am thinner, when my skin is better, when I am……. (fill in the blank for yourself.)

So the underlying question that you are really looking to answer is this… how can I feel worthy? There is no ‘how to in 5 steps’ guide to this, well certainly not one that would have results without actually doing the inner work. But there are some steps to take that will help you on that journey to worthiness. I’m working on something big that I will be sharing with you in the next couple weeks that will hopefully crack open the lid and shed some light for you on this issue and help you start to walk down the path towards the life that you actually want to live and a pathway to worthiness.

Think about what it is that you really want? Not the material stuff, the deep and meaningful stuff. If you don’t know yet, then take some time to think about it. Close your eyes and create a vision of yourself in the future. What does she/he feel like? What have they let go of? Ask yourself what it is that you need to ditch to live how you truly want? Is it shame? Blame? Guilt? Even if those words didn’t come up these things could be sitting beneath them and holding you back.

So instead of googling for the next new thing to fix your life, I want you to think about this…

YOU ARE THE THING!!!! Yep, it’s true! You already have everything you need within you to live the life you want and deserve. It might be that it is buried under years of cultural conditioning, family conditioning, shame, guilt, anxiety etc, but you (the real, authentic you) is still there and has been the whole time, waiting for YOU to show up and seize the day!

Why don’t we believe that it’s true? Because we are working within our own limitations and we can’t get beyond them without help and support. That is why we need a coach, to help us put down the baggage that is no longer serving us and heal the trauma of the past. Even with extensive knowledge we can’t get past our own limiting beliefs. That is why I work with my own coaches each week, doing my inner work to get past my own limiting beliefs. This is an essential part of my own development and enables me to help you create better outcomes. I meet you wherever you are, no matter what you have been through and no matter how far you have to go. I pride myself on being able to channel my empathy (aka my very own superpower!) to hold a safe space for you to move forward. It has changed my life and I can help you change yours.

One of the fundamental elements of my coaching training years ago was to always hold my clients in the highest regard, without judgement and with limitless possibility. I always consciously remind myself of that whenever I work with someone. You see, I will help you believe in yourself even if you don’t think you can. I will always see possibility in you.

So, what do you need to do? Worthiness does not appear over night and I’m not sure that we ever crack it, but we can take small steps each day. Firstly, set an intention that you are working towards overcoming your barriers to worthiness. Intention setting can be powerful as our subconscious starts to listen in. Write down your intention or say it outloud to yourself before you begin your day.

Decide that you are going to invest in you! All too often we worry about the cost of working with a professional to overcome our issues. I know that myself because I have done the same. Working out whether I could afford it stopped me from doing the work and held me back, for me it was self-sabotage and meant I could make excuses as to why I wasn’t feeling better or progressing further. I stopped doing that when I realised that I was putting another limit on my own worthiness, I decided to focus on the investment over cost. What was it worth to me to become my true authentic self? I began investing in myself and I continue to do so and to remember that I am worth every penny. This means that I am committed to me, I am a priority! You are worthy of the same.

If you are worried about what you think you may uncover, let me reassure you, everyone has a story that will break your heart. No one is immune from trauma and from the dark feelings that are part of being human. If we listen closely enough and hold space for each other, we can move past the shame, guilt and blame. Empathy is the antidote to shame and I use it in abundance. Many of my clients have commented on how safe they feel talking to me and never judged. Even if you don’t feel ready to work with me, find someone who can hold the space for you and provide an empathic ear to your troubles.

Decide that you are going to put yourself first. This is not selfish, it is an act of self-care. The truth is, everyone who is close to you will benefit from your decision to make yourself a priority because your relationships will improve as a result, your own cup will be filled and then you can share that energy with others. Watching my clients start to realise that they had the power all along is magnificent! Huge progress starts to come after this realisation and it is life changing.

Finally I will leave you with this, worthiness has no prerequisites, you are worthy, just as you are, right now, in this moment. Breathe that in and make it a mantra. What we focus on will grow.

So be on the lookout for some announcements in the coming days and get yourself ready to transform your mindset.

If you are ready and committed to doing the work now, then reach out to me on my social media pages. I have 4 spaces for 1:1 coaching available for September and I am ready to help you transform.

Facebook: @IamSarahDodsley

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