What is really holding you back…

17th July 2020

Are you living the life that you really want? Do you find yourself dreaming of a different career? A new relationship? A new house? Do you find yourself blaming external circumstances for why you don’t have all of those things on your list? Why you haven’t applied for that new job? Exercised X number of times, eaten better food, figured out your finances etc. It’s easy to blame everything and everyone around us and the limited number of hours in the day, but how much of it is down to your own limiting beliefs and fears? How often do we look inward to figure out what is really holding us back…? Well, stick with me as I lead you through some of the blocks that may really be the cause of what is hindering your progress to the life you deserve.

Do any of these things resonate with you?

• you are constantly exhausted from being stuck on an emotional roller coaster, you really want to get off, but you don’t know how?
• you know there is a version of you that you would like to get back to, but she/he is lost underneath vast layers of overwhelm, shame and guilt.
• you have been through some difficult stuff in your life that you would like to heal and move on from, but you keep coming back to it over and over.
• You regularly feel overwhelmed by your feelings and would like to have greater emotional stability.
• You are ready and committed to doing some inner work, but you would like support with navigating through it.

If you recognised any of these then I may just be able to help you. You have already spent too long battling with the stories that you tell yourself and the negative thinking patterns that continuously drag you down. It’s time to put down the baggage you have been carrying. You deserve it!

So here are 5 things that may be the source of your lack of action with some suggestions that may act as an antidote to any procrastination paralysis!

Confusion

Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I snap out of it? Do you find yourself questioning what is going on for you? You can’t quite put your finger on what is at the route of it all, but you know there is something in the pit of your stomach, or tension in your head/back/shoulders that is trying to give you a sign. Perhaps you are doing all the right things to feel good and it just doesn’t make sense why you feel the way you do? You are banging your head against a brick wall, emotionally drained, stressed out and anxious and you just can’t get to the core of it.

How to gain clarity: take some time to write down how you are feeling and do this regularly. Journaling is a great way to discover your thinking patters and regulate emotions and is a cathartic and creative process. It helps us process difficult feelings and gain some perspective and context on what may be contributing to how we feel. Labelling how we are feeling and naming our emotions can be a powerful tool to developing our emotional intelligence.

Fear…ok this is a big one. Maybe we get some clarity on what may be at the core of how we are feeling but we don’t want to go there. We don’t feel safe to delve into the darker side of our minds because if we lift the lid on the box we may never be able to put it back on again and what we are faced with will be too painful. I talked about this on my Facebook live (Friday 17th July 2020) and how fear can be controlling and present in so much of our lives. We are fearful of not getting things right so perfectionism rears its ugly head, we are fearful of not being liked, not fitting in. So often we don’t even realise that we are in fear as it’s just how we live all the time.

Facing the fear: By not going there you are not avoiding fear. You will carry it every.single.day and it will show up as anxiety and stress. Maybe aches, pains and headaches from the tension you carry in your body. Mindfulness practice each day can help. Even 5 minutes of breath work relaxes your body so you are not in fight or flight mode. We are hard-wired to look for danger so a consistent approach is needed to learn to sit with discomfort and then reduce hypervigilance.

Denial

So maybe you have started to feel better? You have been journaling your thoughts and taking some time out each day to practice mindfulness and you are starting to see a shift in how you feel. What then happens is we forget… we pretend that everything is ok and we deny the way we felt before. Maybe it wasn’t so bad? Maybe I can manage just fine without seeking out any support? You begin to play down the elements of your life that were stressing you out and enjoy the ride on a high for a short while. Cast your mind back to the confusion stage? Re-read your journal and remind yourself of your journey. This is not to try and out a downer on things but it’s to help you gain a realistic perspective.

Moving forward: Get clear on how it would feel if you were able to process and deal with the big challenges you have been facing? What freedom would that create? Consider a vision for the future of what you would like your life to look and feel like. Imagine not having to keep revisiting old ghosts and feelings that keep turning up when you need them the least.

Overwhelm

After we move from denial and start to recognise that things haven’t really changed, we can often spiral into overwhelm. The truth about the impact of our emotional baggage that has been weighing us down for such a long time is staring us in the face and now we have no idea what to do about it. You worry that you won’t be able to deal with it, there are too many issues and they are too deep to get over. What will people think of me if I reach out for help? Will I be judged? Our inner critic begins to take hold.

The power of self-compassion: Practicing self-compassion has so many benefits. We are able to temper the harsh, judgmental inner critic that sabotages our good intentions and we can learn acceptance of what is true for us and sit with difficult emotions. Notice when the volume is high on the inner critic and bring yourself into the present. Forgive yourself for slipping into a feeling of unworthiness and practice gratitude right there in that moment.

Shame and guilt

I can’t believe I did that…

I should never have said that…

I feel so bad about…

Shame is debilitating, it keeps us silent on our heartache because we don’t want anyone to know what we have said or done. We think that no one else feels the way that we do and that no one would understand. We don’t reach out for support because we feel so awful and we replay all the ‘terrible’ things that we have said or done in our minds to punish ourselves and in some way confirm that we are not worthy.

Shine a light on shame: Dr Brené Brown teaches us the antidote to shame is empathy. We must speak about our shame to be able to step out of it. Reaching out for support is key. Talk to a friend, find a professional to support you. You are not alone and if you have thought/felt it then someone else will have too.

So what next? If these blocks to your happiness have resonated with you and you would like to talk about how I can help you with them, drop me an email at hey@sarahdodsley.com.

My work involves holding the space for you to talk through the barriers that are holding you back in a safe way. You can process the blocks and emotions and then finally put them down so you can start living your life as you truly want, happy in your skin!

It’s time, you deserve it. Contact me for a free 30 minute coaching session.

I will be continuing to talk about each of these blocks in more details on my Facebook Page. Like and follow my page @learningtobstill so you don’t miss out.

#coaching #lifecoaching #mindset #mindsetshift #transformyourmind #transformationalmindsetcoach #mindsetcoach #perfectionism #unhappiness #anxiety #eft #efttapping #matrixreimprinting #matrixreimprintingusingeft #matrixreimprintingwitheft #shame #guilt #overwhelm #denial #confusion #barriers #fear